Ten years ago, while I was serving as a church leader, I always worked as I wished and acted recklessly due to my arrogant nature, and this led me to a serious violation of the work arrangements, I interrupted and disturbed the church’s work and aggravated God’s disposition. I was therefore replaced and sent home to do spiritual devotions and reflect on myself. After some time spent in self-reflection, I came to have some true knowledge of my arrogant nature, but because I had no knowledge of
God’s work to save man and the essence of God’s faithfulness, I was constantly constrained by my past transgressions, and I thought that God would not save or perfect such a person as me. This cast a shadow on me that I could not remove. Later, the church arranged for me to take responsibility for the gospel work. When I heard this news, misgivings arose in my heart about God, and I thought: “I am so corrupted and have also offended God’s disposition, how can the church make me responsible for such important work? Is it that God wants to expose me using this duty, and then eliminate me?” But then I thought: “Since the church has made such an arrangement, it must be God giving me a chance to make up for my past transgressions. No matter what happens, I must cherish this opportunity, even if I have to become a service-doer.” From then on, I fulfilled my duty with this negative and guarded mindset. Although I appeared to be fulfilling my duties earnestly and diligently, I didn’t have the courage to seek the higher goal of being made perfect by God.