Half a year later, the leader in the church arranged for me to continue my church life at another church. Its church leaders were being selected at that time. When I learned that I had believed in God longer than all the sisters and brothers, I felt very happy and I thought: Now comes my chance. I can finally show my abilities as a leader. After all, I have more life experience and I believed in God earlier than they did. I am the best person for the position. As I was preparing to present myself well to them, one of the sisters from the previous church was transferred to join the election. I was afraid that she would reveal my previous scandal of jostling for position, which would be an embarrassment to me, so I had to give up my initial plan. I decided to try to get elected as a group leader, then work my way up step by step after that. I hadn’t imagined that I would not be elected as a group leader, but I would instead be arranged to carry out some minor work which required delivering books of God’s words to sisters and brothers. I, a dignified battalion commander, was running around doing little errands. I found this difficult to accept. However, after undergoing the judgment and chastisement of God, I understood that this was from the rule of God and His arrangements. God was dealing with my desire to pursue status, so I forsook myself and obeyed. However, before long the place where I attended meetings was spotted by the police, so the church arranged for me to meet with another two old sisters somewhere else. As for the leader of the church, she could not come very often to perform her watering duty for us as she was being persecuted by the Communist Party of China. At that time, I could not bear it any longer: Aside from having me do petty work, I have to meet with those elders with poor caliber. How did I get to this place? The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. I even felt that life was not worth living. In pain, I earnestly prayed unto God and asked for His enlightenment. One day, I read God’s words, saying, “
What’s the most appropriate method of pursuit on today’s path? What kind of figure should you see yourself as in your pursuit? You should know how to handle everything that is befalling you now, be it trials or suffering, merciless chastisement or curses—you should give careful consideration to all of this” (“Aren’t Those Who Do Not Learn and Know Nothing but Beasts?” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). From
God’s words, I understood that I was driven by my arrogant satanic nature, deviated from God’s will, and walked on the wrong path of pursuing fame and positions. As a result, I only regarded those duties with “official titles” as important and despised other duties, and even detested those sisters and brothers of low caliber in the sense that I felt my status was lowered by being with them. The status, fame and wealth had gone to my head. However, I did not know that in the
house of God, all duties were equal, and my sisters and brothers as well as I were all creatures with equal status. My high status in the earthly world could not ever change that fact. Thinking of this, I felt greatly relieved. However, I knew that fame and status were my fatal weaknesses, so I prayed unto God to seek more truth to resolve this issue. Later, I heard some preaching giving fellowship regarding entering into life, saying: “
In your opinion, is it meaningful for people to hold positions and cherish them? You should see through status and fame and be indifferent to them. They are empty and meaningless. A high position does not guarantee blessings. If you don’t have a good disposition, a high position may bring you misfortune. If you do not pursue the truth, that position will be a source of great evil for you. Without the truth, you cannot see through things, and might easily be ruined by positions. … You cannot be a leader without pursuing the truth; it can only ruin you. If you pursue the truth, leadership can make you perfect” (“The Differentiations of and Solutions to the False Leaders, Antichrists and the Wicked” in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life (VII)). “
People appear to be good when they don’t have power but as soon as they have it, they will show their true colors. How can power expose the truth in people? When someone is an ordinary person, they seem decent and appear to be dignified and upright. Once they hold some power, they become perverse” (“How People Should Cooperate With God’s Work of Perfecting Man” in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life (III)). These words suddenly opened my eyes and I saw the void and meaninglessness of pursuing status. Valuing status and failing to pursue the truth can only lead to people’s ruin. Take my experience in the army as an example—I hated those corrupt officials when I was a soldier. However, as my status continued to grow, I started to become perverse and in the end I became a truly corrupt official. Those who were in high positions seemed to be good and honest when they didn’t have high status. However, as soon as they held power, they started to behave tyrannically and commit countless crimes. These facts were enough to illustrate that after people had been corrupted by Satan, they would without exception be subject to its affliction and trickery; if they did not pursue the truth and have a change in disposition, they could only become perverse and do evil once they held power and status, be it in the earthly world or in God’s house, with an end result of being punished justly by God. Thinking of this, I felt both fear and gratitude. It turned out that my repeated frustrations was my salvation, done out of love for me! Because I struggled to ascend in the world of officialdom for many years, I had been sullied with the poisons of Satan. It could be said that I was a combination of arrogance, craftiness, selfishness and greed. After believing in God, I valued status too much and did not really pursue the truth. As a result, even by then I had gained little of the truth, and I had little fear of God. If I had actually been in a high position, I would only have become ambitious and behaved tyrannically as I did in the army, and I would end up being punished for offending God’s disposition. Thanks to God’s enlightenment, I could see clearly the essence and the outcome of pursuing fame and status, and more than that, I could see the importance of pursuing the truth.
